There are simply no words to describe this pain and anguish. Today is what should have been a wonderful day. A day to celebrate a wonderful new life. The Mr. & I were hoping to announce that Little Miss was finally going to become a big sister. What wonderful news to share.
Last Monday, we had seen a perfect growing baby, with a breathtaking little heartbeat. Just a few days later, that was all taken away from us.
What seems like ages ago now, we found out the wonderful news. I had never really prepared myself to hear those words again, after all, Little Miss was our miracle. That poor doctor must have thought I was absolutely insane when I burst into tears, barely even able to say two words. The amount of joy that filled my heart when I shared the news with my husband was simply amazing. It was perfect. The timing was wonderful. He would finish his training in August, we'd move in September, and be blessed with a new baby in October. However, life can change in an instant.
A few days after finding out the news, I was back in the hospital with severe abdominal pain. Fearing the worst, I prepared myself. I was told it was possibly a tubal pregnancy. Reduced to nothing but tears, I had to wait until the following day for an emergency ultrasound. The ultrasound didn't show much, but it did prove that baby was where he or she should be. So much comfort to an aching heart. The kind doctor requested to have my monitored every 48 hours afterwords to see if my hormone levels were increasing as they should. My levels were increasing, slowly but surely. A second ultrasound proved baby was growing well, and right on time. Our joy began to grow, and our hearts were filled with so much excitement. By this time I was already experiencing morning sickness, extreme fatigue, and even had a rash on my arm that I had only ever had during my pregnancy with Alivia. You know, the little things that make it all seem more real. Later, a third ultrasound would show a perfect little heartbeat. Tears filled my eyes as we watched in awe; That tiny miraculous being was growing inside me. What sweet perfection.
Two days later, through the night, that was all taken from us.
I have a long way to come before I can say that I'm "okay". Our hearts are aching, but we continue to push through each day. What other choice do we have? Maybe one day we'll be blessed with another miracle. Only God knows, so until then, we'll continue to trust in Him.
Last Monday, we had seen a perfect growing baby, with a breathtaking little heartbeat. Just a few days later, that was all taken away from us.
What seems like ages ago now, we found out the wonderful news. I had never really prepared myself to hear those words again, after all, Little Miss was our miracle. That poor doctor must have thought I was absolutely insane when I burst into tears, barely even able to say two words. The amount of joy that filled my heart when I shared the news with my husband was simply amazing. It was perfect. The timing was wonderful. He would finish his training in August, we'd move in September, and be blessed with a new baby in October. However, life can change in an instant.
A few days after finding out the news, I was back in the hospital with severe abdominal pain. Fearing the worst, I prepared myself. I was told it was possibly a tubal pregnancy. Reduced to nothing but tears, I had to wait until the following day for an emergency ultrasound. The ultrasound didn't show much, but it did prove that baby was where he or she should be. So much comfort to an aching heart. The kind doctor requested to have my monitored every 48 hours afterwords to see if my hormone levels were increasing as they should. My levels were increasing, slowly but surely. A second ultrasound proved baby was growing well, and right on time. Our joy began to grow, and our hearts were filled with so much excitement. By this time I was already experiencing morning sickness, extreme fatigue, and even had a rash on my arm that I had only ever had during my pregnancy with Alivia. You know, the little things that make it all seem more real. Later, a third ultrasound would show a perfect little heartbeat. Tears filled my eyes as we watched in awe; That tiny miraculous being was growing inside me. What sweet perfection.
Two days later, through the night, that was all taken from us.
I have a long way to come before I can say that I'm "okay". Our hearts are aching, but we continue to push through each day. What other choice do we have? Maybe one day we'll be blessed with another miracle. Only God knows, so until then, we'll continue to trust in Him.
There is no foot print so small that it does not leave an imprint on this world, or in out hearts.
Rest in perfect peace my sweet angel. ♥
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