What Not To Say..

A few weeks ago while searching forums for dealing with grief, I came across a website, with 10 things you should never say to a miscarriage survivor. You can find that article, here.
As much as I hate to say it, I've heard them all, and more.

The two comments that really irk me, are numbers 2, and 9. "Be grateful for the children you have" or "At least you have kids". These comments could easily result with someone having a black eye. Fair warning. Yes, I am extremely grateful for my precious daughter; I literally wake up each morning and thank God for such an amazing gift. After the struggle we had to finally have her, I don't take a moment with her for granted. Before we were blessed with her, I did struggle with the thought of never having children. Being told it was next to impossible, didn't leave much hope. I can honestly tell you that seeing women with children, or pregnant women made my heart ache. I was jealous, angry, and sometimes quite bitter. I can completely understand how someone with fertility struggles can think "well, at least you have a child.." - That being said, that doesn't change that fact that my other babies are not with me. Each day I find myself wondering what they'd be like or who they'd look like. I wonder what my life would be like if they had be given the chance to walk on this earth, so I could hold their tiny little hands. My heart aches for them, constantly. Not a day goes by that I don't think what if..

Then there is number 9. As the original poster said, you NEVER get used to it. Ever. That's it, that's all.

Fact of the matter is, people just don't know how to react. I posted the link on Facebook to share, and comment prompted the question, 'Whatshould you say?" Well, just think for a moment.. What would you say to a woman who lost her 2 month old baby, 5 year old, or 20 year old? You'd say "I am sorry for your loss.". That's what you should say. Don't ever call that woman's child a fetus, don't ever comment on how far along she was, or ask, and goodness gracious, don't you eversay any of the 10 things posted in that article.

Don't treat it like a taboo subject; don't avoid bringing it up, because you'll end up making her feel like it's making you uncomfortable; like it doesn't matter. Most of time, you'll find that she just wants to talk and share her feelings. Listen, and be a friend. Offer compassion, and a prayer. It's really that easy...