Lake On The Mountain.. {July 2nd}

{It's taken me a little while to get to this post, but here it is!}

Coming up to this day, I will filled with excitement, and fear. There was a part of me that didn't want to go, but at the same time I couldn't seem to get there fast enough.

As I explained in my last post, last weekend was the weekend that we had planned to spread Victoria's ashes, however we decided to hold off until we felt a little more "ready"; Whatever that means..

I can't explain the connection I have to that place. I went there for the first time with DH, who was my boyfriend then,  when we were barely 16, & 17. It's always been a special place for us, especially when our family began to grow. I had my first miscarriage in that town, and I remember finding peace in this beautiful place.

With our most recent loss, it was never a question as to where we would spread her ashes. A discussion wasn't even necessary. We decided to make a trip there that weekend anyways..

When we arrived, the sun was shining, just as it always had when we'd visited in the past. There were a lot more people there than I had ever seen, and this really saddened me; I just wanted to be alone. We played around with Little Miss for a while, she always loves dipping her feet into the water; can't say I blame her. We also got some photos, as usual.

Out of nowhere, dark clouds rolled in, and with them came thunder and rain. At first, I felt so disappointed. I wanted this to be special. I then noticed everyone else running to their cars and driving away to avoid the rain storm coming in. I didn't move. Suddenly relief swept over me. I was alone, and the warm rain on my face was hiding the tears that were falling. I hadn't realized how much I needed the rain right then, but I'm sure someone did.

I left that day, feeling a sense of relief. I'm still dreading the day we spread her ashes, but I know that in time, maybe one day I'll be ready.

Photo was taking last year - This is where I stood in the rain, staring out onto the beautiful lake